It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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