You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think your dad took our porno
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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