Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
