All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
