I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
