Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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