Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
