I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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