There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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