I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
try to milk me bitch
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