It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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