I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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