yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
