I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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