would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
