i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
