he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Enjoy the penises
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
