I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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