My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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