i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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