I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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