It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
