My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
