Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can Purell be used as lube?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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