More tranny stories later!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
