I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
