she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
