If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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