RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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