3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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