i think my mom watched the whole time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
