Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
