I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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