I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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