Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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