My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
