yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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