Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists

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(818): View more from California

The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it

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(407): View more from Florida

I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere

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