her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
