He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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