I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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