she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
