i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
