and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
