Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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