All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
