We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
