I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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