the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i think im in europe. pls send help
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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