Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
