Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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