Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
