STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
