so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
